To navigate these situations, I initially tried to divert the conversation to "Where do you get your information?" It partially changed the subject but what I found eventually was that those throwing the arrows in your direction have very little interest in listening. But one thing for sure they want to do.... is talk about themselves!! Oh, what a surprise. Dinner parties sure ain't what they use to be.
That's so interesting, I've found my way to asking the same question as well! It's just become so clear to me that I'm often not debating with the individual, but with the media pundits they listen to. Like you said, it opens up an opportunity to discuss how you're informing your perspective rather than just trying to battle them.
And yes, when I sense that the person I'm talking to isn't interested in actually listening to my perspective, getting curious about how they've developed their views and giving them the floor to share that ends up being more productive!
Thank you! Dr John Delony's "Conflict deferred is conflict amplified" is an incredibly timely advice (in fact, I wish I had heard and followed it a few years ago).
Such fantastic advice by the wise and compassionate Reid Newton! I had no idea Salome and Jake were dealing with such turmoil in their personal lives! Politically divided families are this nation's unspoken epidemic. Democrats believe Republicans are evil and Republicans believe Democrats are evil. This is unfortunately, a pretty widespread belief in this country. It has infected millions of people and families have been torn apart. It's the first time we've seen something like this in our society since the Civil War. Many, many families in this country are currently fighting mini-civil wars with one another. But this Civil War isn't between blue and gray but rather between blue and red. Red and Blue America are literally like two different countries. My family is one of the lucky ones who hasn't been infected by this deadly disease. Things are so bad right now; I don't believe a Second Civil War is by any means a far-fetched idea. We've seen a great deal of political violence in the past few years from both the left and right. This political violence has extended to families, friend groups and neighbors. I'm so sorry Salome that your relatives treated you that way at your sister's wedding of all times and that they bad mouthed you (without knowing it) and half the country right in front of you. That is definitely not an appropriate topic to discuss at a wedding dinner! I think the two options Reid offered were both sound! Put your cards on the table or shift the topic to something less confrontational. As for the situation with Jake's family, I can't believe how cold hearted and cruel Jake's aunt was towards him! I understand she thought she was just protecting his grandmother, but it doesn't change the fact that telling him he can't visit her until he was vaccinated (which wasn't even needed since he had natural immunity) was disgusting and vile. His grandmother passed away and he didn't get to say goodbye to her. The way his uncle and cousins acted toward him for disagreeing with them was horrible and childish! I agree 100% with Reid! Jake's family need to understand that their behavior was NOT okay! His aunt owes him a sincere apology for forbidding him from seeing his dying grandmother! RIP to Jake's grandmother! May her memory be a blessing! I'm reluctant to talk about this but I think I'm ready to open up about this, I've experienced being a tough situation with friends and/or acquaintances because of politics. Nothing anywhere close to what Salome and Jake experienced, but it can be hard, nonetheless. I'm well-known to be the black sheep of the Black Sheep community. I'm a Rockefeller Republican in a community of predominately libertarians. I'll admit that at times I've felt like it was their world while I was just living in it. Another aspect of my beliefs that I feel somewhat irks the other members of the Black Sheep community is my strong support for Zionism. I fear sometimes that I'm considered to be a genocide supporter and/or denier. I hate to say this, and I don't mean this to be rude or disrespectful towards anyone, but I feel like sometimes when I bring up my opinion about Zionism, Salome and some of the other folks in the community get slightly p***ed off. Sometimes I will admit I avoid stating certain opinions about the Israeli Palestinian Conflict or some of my more liberal viewpoints like my support of affirmative action because I fear alienating the other members of the Black Sheep community or causing a massive argument. I want to be crystal clear that I meant no disrespect or offense or to insult anyone with anything I said here. Reid you are a gem of a human being; I could tell that from the first time I became acquainted with you via a video by FAIR. I also loved you're amazing interview with Jake and Salome on the Black Sheep podcast. It became immediately clear then that you are a fountain of invaluable knowledge we could all benefit from dipping our collective cup into. You've lived such a colorful and fascinating life as a professional ballet and Hip-Hop dancer, free thinker and humble warrior for the pro-human way. As to you being judged and racially attacked for being a white person in the Hip-Hop world, music and dance are the universal language and NO ONE owns a genre of music or type of dance! Also, you once mentioned that there is a grain of truth to the stereotype white people can't dance. I've been dying to tell you these historical facts I'm about to tell you. :) Do you know where that comes from? Why white people have trouble doing more free form dances? It's became since colonial times dancing was disapproved of by the Christian church. The Puritans for example deeply disapproved of dancing as representing softness and femininity. Other than the Shakers, your average person only did very rigid and disciplined dances like waltzes or minuets. Did you know that the Irish, the Italians and the Jews used to be considered the finest dancers in all the land even better than African Americans?! But their community leaders discouraged them from free form dancing as well as listening to popular music or associating with African Americans, as it would impede them from becoming and being accepted in, the United States. This is why people are so surprised when a white person can dance well in anything other than things like square dancing. I would like to take this time to recommend to Reid and everyone else in the Black Sheep community, the fascinating book A Renegade History of the United States by Professor Thaddeus Russell. Here is a link to the book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Renegade-History-United-States/dp/1416576134 It'd make a great gift or stock stuffer for Christmas!
I agree with you that red vs. blue is the political epidemic of our time. These last 8 years have felt awful. I believe it began on Facebook during Pres. Obama's time, then took off like a brush fire when Trump was elected. I don't know about you but I think of it as a reverse-red scare from the 1950s. I love the movie Trumbo. I see so much of that feeling in America today.
This is fantastic advice. I am very lucky that my family is comfortable with disagreement. But, I will be using some of these tactics in my social life.
For Salome: they may have not been able to articulate it, but I will:
When emotions are high, of course people are gonna start yapping away about their dislike over our future president, but I understand why.
While your heart may be in a good place, wanting us to only allow in “good” immigrants, the candidate you picked will not do it your way.
Too much grace has been given to someone who has shown time and time again that they have very little compassion in their body and their campaign was all about them and how much they wanted to be the hero. On paper (and in comics) that sounds noble, it sounds wholesome, but when you keep up with the appearances of our future president and listen to the words he says …does it not tell you he won’t do things the right way? He will hurt the “good” immigrants and our economy if his plans go through as he’d like.
The average person has difficulty putting emotions aside, especially with family, so I’ll be their voice. You voted on the immigrant issue, but maybe they see all the other people/issues that will be affected all because of the immigration issue being blown up bigger than it ever has for a campaign ploy.
This is the most I’ve ever heard about immigration in my life. I’d like to know who it is truly affecting, genuinely. Is it as big as they claim? Nobody in my life/state has complained about any personal issues. Although anecdotal, I need people to think about how much of an issue certain things are. We are not immune to being manipulated even if we know about the manipulation.
To add: I know there are good people who voted for him. I know them personally and I’ve seen them be human, so I don’t think all Trump voters are bad but ..I do think a lot have been misled and their fear was used against them. We all want better for the USA, I do love it here, it’s all I’ve known …but we can do so much better.
I think people like yourself are relying far too heavily on the "vibes" and "persona" you're intuiting from candidates you've never met instead of focusing on the reality of what policies they will enact, such as Harris proposing price controls to "lower grocery prices"—an economically illiterate policy that causes food shortages. That's far more important to me than whether I personally like a candidate I don't even know.
I see no compassion in the hollow PR displays from the current administration and its successor, Harris, who've funneled billions of tax payers' money to foreign countries (and themselves) while only creating a worse economic situation for citizens. But I do remain surprised at how much more people care about whether a candidate is likable and says the right things on camera.
You're correct that we can do so much better—hence why people like myself didn't vote for a continuation of the same administration.
I recommend not trying to be the voice of other people when you haven't understood the voice of the person you're arguing against. I never said I voted on the immigrant issue nor did I give my stance on it. I merely rebutted the ignorant argument that any person concerned with immigration is driven by racism.
I feel I personally encapsulated a lot of people’s emotions well. Do you in turn see compassion from the administration you voted for? You voted based on the policies you didn’t like from Harris, but you were confident enough to vote for someone that also did not have the best plans economically?
It seems everyone just has fatigue for democrats and voted republican because they didn’t want to keep repeating the same mistakes. People voted for Trump based on vibes as well. This whole election has been vibes based. We should have some couth when voting, I’d rather not have a president that other countries laugh at. If his policies worked the first time then I’d have to just take the laughing on the chin, but I don’t recall things getting better. I recall the working class not getting the tax refunds they usually get.
I can be the voice for others because I see what others get emotional about and why they rebuttal regardless of the issue talked about. There are trigger words that people are not aware of, and Trump/immigrants is one of them.
As you think I cannot be the voice for others, you cannot say “people like me” have relied on vibes and persona. I was very upset this whole campaign because everything was handled so poorly on both sides. And I’ll say more poorly on the republicans side but people like bluntness (that’s vibes based).
My issue is that while you voted on “policies” you ignored other policies that hurt more Americans than it helps. Your issue and dislike for democrats mistakes lead you to ignoring the rest of the policies and plans on Trump’s end. You saw something you liked and ignored everything else. I guess people aren’t forced to care about their neighbors, but that is something I care about and I fully understand why people may not be open to certain discussions.
Love this. Sage and topical advice, Reid.
Thank you Brent and Zander!
I wholeheartedly concur
To navigate these situations, I initially tried to divert the conversation to "Where do you get your information?" It partially changed the subject but what I found eventually was that those throwing the arrows in your direction have very little interest in listening. But one thing for sure they want to do.... is talk about themselves!! Oh, what a surprise. Dinner parties sure ain't what they use to be.
That's so interesting, I've found my way to asking the same question as well! It's just become so clear to me that I'm often not debating with the individual, but with the media pundits they listen to. Like you said, it opens up an opportunity to discuss how you're informing your perspective rather than just trying to battle them.
And yes, when I sense that the person I'm talking to isn't interested in actually listening to my perspective, getting curious about how they've developed their views and giving them the floor to share that ends up being more productive!
Thank you! Dr John Delony's "Conflict deferred is conflict amplified" is an incredibly timely advice (in fact, I wish I had heard and followed it a few years ago).
Yes! Such an important piece of wisdom.
Such fantastic advice by the wise and compassionate Reid Newton! I had no idea Salome and Jake were dealing with such turmoil in their personal lives! Politically divided families are this nation's unspoken epidemic. Democrats believe Republicans are evil and Republicans believe Democrats are evil. This is unfortunately, a pretty widespread belief in this country. It has infected millions of people and families have been torn apart. It's the first time we've seen something like this in our society since the Civil War. Many, many families in this country are currently fighting mini-civil wars with one another. But this Civil War isn't between blue and gray but rather between blue and red. Red and Blue America are literally like two different countries. My family is one of the lucky ones who hasn't been infected by this deadly disease. Things are so bad right now; I don't believe a Second Civil War is by any means a far-fetched idea. We've seen a great deal of political violence in the past few years from both the left and right. This political violence has extended to families, friend groups and neighbors. I'm so sorry Salome that your relatives treated you that way at your sister's wedding of all times and that they bad mouthed you (without knowing it) and half the country right in front of you. That is definitely not an appropriate topic to discuss at a wedding dinner! I think the two options Reid offered were both sound! Put your cards on the table or shift the topic to something less confrontational. As for the situation with Jake's family, I can't believe how cold hearted and cruel Jake's aunt was towards him! I understand she thought she was just protecting his grandmother, but it doesn't change the fact that telling him he can't visit her until he was vaccinated (which wasn't even needed since he had natural immunity) was disgusting and vile. His grandmother passed away and he didn't get to say goodbye to her. The way his uncle and cousins acted toward him for disagreeing with them was horrible and childish! I agree 100% with Reid! Jake's family need to understand that their behavior was NOT okay! His aunt owes him a sincere apology for forbidding him from seeing his dying grandmother! RIP to Jake's grandmother! May her memory be a blessing! I'm reluctant to talk about this but I think I'm ready to open up about this, I've experienced being a tough situation with friends and/or acquaintances because of politics. Nothing anywhere close to what Salome and Jake experienced, but it can be hard, nonetheless. I'm well-known to be the black sheep of the Black Sheep community. I'm a Rockefeller Republican in a community of predominately libertarians. I'll admit that at times I've felt like it was their world while I was just living in it. Another aspect of my beliefs that I feel somewhat irks the other members of the Black Sheep community is my strong support for Zionism. I fear sometimes that I'm considered to be a genocide supporter and/or denier. I hate to say this, and I don't mean this to be rude or disrespectful towards anyone, but I feel like sometimes when I bring up my opinion about Zionism, Salome and some of the other folks in the community get slightly p***ed off. Sometimes I will admit I avoid stating certain opinions about the Israeli Palestinian Conflict or some of my more liberal viewpoints like my support of affirmative action because I fear alienating the other members of the Black Sheep community or causing a massive argument. I want to be crystal clear that I meant no disrespect or offense or to insult anyone with anything I said here. Reid you are a gem of a human being; I could tell that from the first time I became acquainted with you via a video by FAIR. I also loved you're amazing interview with Jake and Salome on the Black Sheep podcast. It became immediately clear then that you are a fountain of invaluable knowledge we could all benefit from dipping our collective cup into. You've lived such a colorful and fascinating life as a professional ballet and Hip-Hop dancer, free thinker and humble warrior for the pro-human way. As to you being judged and racially attacked for being a white person in the Hip-Hop world, music and dance are the universal language and NO ONE owns a genre of music or type of dance! Also, you once mentioned that there is a grain of truth to the stereotype white people can't dance. I've been dying to tell you these historical facts I'm about to tell you. :) Do you know where that comes from? Why white people have trouble doing more free form dances? It's became since colonial times dancing was disapproved of by the Christian church. The Puritans for example deeply disapproved of dancing as representing softness and femininity. Other than the Shakers, your average person only did very rigid and disciplined dances like waltzes or minuets. Did you know that the Irish, the Italians and the Jews used to be considered the finest dancers in all the land even better than African Americans?! But their community leaders discouraged them from free form dancing as well as listening to popular music or associating with African Americans, as it would impede them from becoming and being accepted in, the United States. This is why people are so surprised when a white person can dance well in anything other than things like square dancing. I would like to take this time to recommend to Reid and everyone else in the Black Sheep community, the fascinating book A Renegade History of the United States by Professor Thaddeus Russell. Here is a link to the book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Renegade-History-United-States/dp/1416576134 It'd make a great gift or stock stuffer for Christmas!
I agree with you that red vs. blue is the political epidemic of our time. These last 8 years have felt awful. I believe it began on Facebook during Pres. Obama's time, then took off like a brush fire when Trump was elected. I don't know about you but I think of it as a reverse-red scare from the 1950s. I love the movie Trumbo. I see so much of that feeling in America today.
This is fantastic advice. I am very lucky that my family is comfortable with disagreement. But, I will be using some of these tactics in my social life.
I’m so glad it resonated with you!
Great tactics. I personally have chosen the path of not arguing or over explaining.
For Salome: they may have not been able to articulate it, but I will:
When emotions are high, of course people are gonna start yapping away about their dislike over our future president, but I understand why.
While your heart may be in a good place, wanting us to only allow in “good” immigrants, the candidate you picked will not do it your way.
Too much grace has been given to someone who has shown time and time again that they have very little compassion in their body and their campaign was all about them and how much they wanted to be the hero. On paper (and in comics) that sounds noble, it sounds wholesome, but when you keep up with the appearances of our future president and listen to the words he says …does it not tell you he won’t do things the right way? He will hurt the “good” immigrants and our economy if his plans go through as he’d like.
The average person has difficulty putting emotions aside, especially with family, so I’ll be their voice. You voted on the immigrant issue, but maybe they see all the other people/issues that will be affected all because of the immigration issue being blown up bigger than it ever has for a campaign ploy.
This is the most I’ve ever heard about immigration in my life. I’d like to know who it is truly affecting, genuinely. Is it as big as they claim? Nobody in my life/state has complained about any personal issues. Although anecdotal, I need people to think about how much of an issue certain things are. We are not immune to being manipulated even if we know about the manipulation.
To add: I know there are good people who voted for him. I know them personally and I’ve seen them be human, so I don’t think all Trump voters are bad but ..I do think a lot have been misled and their fear was used against them. We all want better for the USA, I do love it here, it’s all I’ve known …but we can do so much better.
I think people like yourself are relying far too heavily on the "vibes" and "persona" you're intuiting from candidates you've never met instead of focusing on the reality of what policies they will enact, such as Harris proposing price controls to "lower grocery prices"—an economically illiterate policy that causes food shortages. That's far more important to me than whether I personally like a candidate I don't even know.
I see no compassion in the hollow PR displays from the current administration and its successor, Harris, who've funneled billions of tax payers' money to foreign countries (and themselves) while only creating a worse economic situation for citizens. But I do remain surprised at how much more people care about whether a candidate is likable and says the right things on camera.
You're correct that we can do so much better—hence why people like myself didn't vote for a continuation of the same administration.
I recommend not trying to be the voice of other people when you haven't understood the voice of the person you're arguing against. I never said I voted on the immigrant issue nor did I give my stance on it. I merely rebutted the ignorant argument that any person concerned with immigration is driven by racism.
I feel I personally encapsulated a lot of people’s emotions well. Do you in turn see compassion from the administration you voted for? You voted based on the policies you didn’t like from Harris, but you were confident enough to vote for someone that also did not have the best plans economically?
It seems everyone just has fatigue for democrats and voted republican because they didn’t want to keep repeating the same mistakes. People voted for Trump based on vibes as well. This whole election has been vibes based. We should have some couth when voting, I’d rather not have a president that other countries laugh at. If his policies worked the first time then I’d have to just take the laughing on the chin, but I don’t recall things getting better. I recall the working class not getting the tax refunds they usually get.
I can be the voice for others because I see what others get emotional about and why they rebuttal regardless of the issue talked about. There are trigger words that people are not aware of, and Trump/immigrants is one of them.
As you think I cannot be the voice for others, you cannot say “people like me” have relied on vibes and persona. I was very upset this whole campaign because everything was handled so poorly on both sides. And I’ll say more poorly on the republicans side but people like bluntness (that’s vibes based).
My issue is that while you voted on “policies” you ignored other policies that hurt more Americans than it helps. Your issue and dislike for democrats mistakes lead you to ignoring the rest of the policies and plans on Trump’s end. You saw something you liked and ignored everything else. I guess people aren’t forced to care about their neighbors, but that is something I care about and I fully understand why people may not be open to certain discussions.