The pressure to conform to friends' ideologies has become intense. In certain circles, disagreement is seen as a threat to the self. I have started to wonder if I can be friends with people who can't tolerate disagreement.
I think a lot about mental brittleness & polarization & Orwellian linguistic tricks—all things that social media can encourage.
I used to seek out friends who were expansive-minded, curious, open, creative, and fun.
I see people in art and music communities now posting and re-posting staid infographics informing others of the newest moral rules. I now wonder what place I have in said communities if I have dissenting opinions; if I dare to have dangerous ideas or engage in thoughtcrime.
I am worried that if I am not a part of a tribe, if I fail to utter certain sacred phrases or agree with specific dogmas, that I will have a hard time making new friends when we emerge from quarantine.
I guess we'll see!
Thank you for your blog posts; they resonate with me.
I feel the same way! I thrive in relationships where everything is on the table for discussion as long as it's done in good faith. The growth of groupthink in the stereotypically non-conformist circles is a great argument for horseshoe theory; at their extremes, opposite ideologies both devolve into different flavors of fundamentalism.
Though, take comfort in your experience not being an aberration. I've gone through the same thought process and it seems that there's a kind of "Emperor's new clothes" conundrum where no one says what they know to be true because no one has said what they know to be true. It's only once I began openly voicing what I knew to be true that I started to find other like-minded people. That's part of the power in such a culture--silence creates the illusion of conformity which makes it even harder to break the silence.
I appreciate your insightful comment! And I'm glad you're enjoying my writing too.
so many tv shows or movies feature death so prominently, violent & sudden or sometimes a slowly encroaching disease. Whether soaps or box sets or the news, we vicariously experience death...not sure on comparing the amount to the past.
Lots of what you say makes sense, like how the sick and dying and old are in some way ostracised, though we also hide the young in schools and at home - they are shunned from our worklife as encumbrances.
Hospices are one of the great causes for charitable giving - sponsored runs in the memory of a child etc, or the kerbside flowers, the graveyards illuminated with leds at night, and the weekend or annual visits to the dead are all death rituals i see a lot.
and your opening paragraph i could put this way. life is certain now, in the present as i live it. It is not certain in the future. so those two points in time - our present moment and the reality we have an uncertain end point are the certainty, i guess.
the friend as a mirror struck me a lot, need to digest that.
Interesting points! It's true that death and violence are common fixtures of media. I wonder how much this is a low-grade substitute for the overnight near-eradication of the death and violence that were everyday occurrences for nearly all of our history? Though, even seeing a dead body in a movie pales in comparison to real life, where you understand the reality of that person's mortality and all the harsh sights, sounds, and smells that accompany death are there.
Glad the section about friendship got you thinking! I appreciate the additions you brought up here that have got me thinking too.
The pressure to conform to friends' ideologies has become intense. In certain circles, disagreement is seen as a threat to the self. I have started to wonder if I can be friends with people who can't tolerate disagreement.
I think a lot about mental brittleness & polarization & Orwellian linguistic tricks—all things that social media can encourage.
I used to seek out friends who were expansive-minded, curious, open, creative, and fun.
I see people in art and music communities now posting and re-posting staid infographics informing others of the newest moral rules. I now wonder what place I have in said communities if I have dissenting opinions; if I dare to have dangerous ideas or engage in thoughtcrime.
I am worried that if I am not a part of a tribe, if I fail to utter certain sacred phrases or agree with specific dogmas, that I will have a hard time making new friends when we emerge from quarantine.
I guess we'll see!
Thank you for your blog posts; they resonate with me.
I feel the same way! I thrive in relationships where everything is on the table for discussion as long as it's done in good faith. The growth of groupthink in the stereotypically non-conformist circles is a great argument for horseshoe theory; at their extremes, opposite ideologies both devolve into different flavors of fundamentalism.
Though, take comfort in your experience not being an aberration. I've gone through the same thought process and it seems that there's a kind of "Emperor's new clothes" conundrum where no one says what they know to be true because no one has said what they know to be true. It's only once I began openly voicing what I knew to be true that I started to find other like-minded people. That's part of the power in such a culture--silence creates the illusion of conformity which makes it even harder to break the silence.
I appreciate your insightful comment! And I'm glad you're enjoying my writing too.
so many tv shows or movies feature death so prominently, violent & sudden or sometimes a slowly encroaching disease. Whether soaps or box sets or the news, we vicariously experience death...not sure on comparing the amount to the past.
Lots of what you say makes sense, like how the sick and dying and old are in some way ostracised, though we also hide the young in schools and at home - they are shunned from our worklife as encumbrances.
Hospices are one of the great causes for charitable giving - sponsored runs in the memory of a child etc, or the kerbside flowers, the graveyards illuminated with leds at night, and the weekend or annual visits to the dead are all death rituals i see a lot.
and your opening paragraph i could put this way. life is certain now, in the present as i live it. It is not certain in the future. so those two points in time - our present moment and the reality we have an uncertain end point are the certainty, i guess.
the friend as a mirror struck me a lot, need to digest that.
Interesting points! It's true that death and violence are common fixtures of media. I wonder how much this is a low-grade substitute for the overnight near-eradication of the death and violence that were everyday occurrences for nearly all of our history? Though, even seeing a dead body in a movie pales in comparison to real life, where you understand the reality of that person's mortality and all the harsh sights, sounds, and smells that accompany death are there.
Glad the section about friendship got you thinking! I appreciate the additions you brought up here that have got me thinking too.